From the time we’re teenagers, and just going through the awkward stages of a new reality we call ‘puberty’, we find ourselves in this growing state of curiosity about our bodies. The problem, however, is we are often taught conflicting views on the subject. On one side, our bodies are temples, and we should not abuse these new urges we’re having. We are supposed to learn how our bodies work, learn safety, wait a few years, find a suitable mate, and only then, can we experience the joys of sex. On the other side of the spectrum, we are simply entering the beginning of our most primal state. As our bodies become capable of experiencing lust, it’s perfectly normal to explore those feelings, and go balls to the wall with every attractive body we meet.
I don’t plan to lecture any of you on what is correct, or which is prudish, or too animalistic. I simply want you to keep this in mind as we consider the causes of attraction, and why certain things, like fetishes, get us excited just by the very thought of it. By today’s standards, many of the things we’re attracted to are liberally accepted, and sexual freedom is reigning. Though, a nice thought, this is far from the truth. The reality is many of us are still quite closed off about what gets us sexually aroused. Most of us are afraid the general public will find our interests rather perverted, overly strange, or just politically incorrect. This can make our desires difficult to communicate to lovers, or even partners.
Many of us will likely think there’s just something wrong with us, and begin to feel an internal repulsion. Now, what if I told you your personal fetishes may actually stem from your own personality traits? You may be thinking, ‘That’s a bit of a reach, Charlton’, but stay with me on this. The things that turn you on are, more than likely, an imagined, sexual solution to an anxiety you’ve been harboring for years. It’s your brain’s way of coping with certain fears, or expectations, you’ve been brought up to carry with you.
If we take a few of the most common fetishes we have, we can see how this is applied. For example, seeing someone in uniform brings many people, both men and women, into sexual excitement. Who doesn’t love seeing someone in uniform? But how do we usually experience an interaction with someone in a highly-respected field, such as doctors, policemen, or firemen? Often times, we feel belittled by their knowledge, or bravery, and even if we are entirely innocent, there’s an ever-present fear they may use their authority on us. What if we were to turn the tables on this situation, and have them working in our own, very personal, favor? Instead, respect and authority is transferred over to you, and these professionals who normally ignore us, have become part of our games.
Some of these anxieties often manifest in much more subtle and ambiguous ways. Having a sheltered upbringing can make us afraid to interact with others, and forces us to remain quiet, and still, while someone we would love to take into the bedroom simply walks right past us. We’re never anything more that quiet strangers to these individuals, and that tends to make our anxiety worse. But, what if instead of walking right past you, this person were to grab you unexpectedly. You’re dragged into a closet, or alley, or some other private place, and your lips lock together in what soon becomes passionate copulation. You’ve skipped the introductions, the getting-to-know-you dates, and gone straight to carnal desire. Though considered social taboo, random and sudden sexual interactions are a common fetish among people who are, otherwise, socially awkward. The thought of interacting with someone verbally may cause them to cower under a table, but their desire for intimacy is still ever present. What could be more delectable to them than skipping social convention entirely?
Ultimately, the means by which we experience and explore life, our bodies, our sexuality, our society, all create who we are. Whether it’s our personality or our sexual desires, all fetishes can be explained using similar structures as the ones I’ve explained, and they are not to be feared. Once you understand this, you’re able to become more accepting of what gets your blood pumping. In the same way, you may even be able to understand, or discover, what excites your partner as well. It’s not something to be ashamed of, nor does it define who we are, but instead, is an extension of how we view the world around us, and how we interact with it.