Some time ago, I made a rather lengthy post delving into what the swinger lifestyle is like and the very happy couples who have chosen to take it up. I wanted to touch on it once more and explore some of the other aspects behind the lifestyle. If you haven’t read it yet, you should. I spoke of what swinging is and what it isn’t, its portrayal in media, and the fears behind them. Many of those aforementioned fears are mainly based around stigmas, and worries of infidelity or damaged relationships. And depending on the level of trust in one another, those fears may or may not be justified.
But let’s assume, for the moment, that you’re giving this lifestyle some thought. Either you feel there is a strong amount of trust accompanied by a desire to give your partner the greatest sexual adventure you can provide, or your partner has already approached you with the desire to try this lifestyle, and you haven’t completely dismissed it yet. Maybe you’re struggling over whether doing something like this would even be worth the trouble. There’s a number of benefits that many couples and individuals aren’t immediately aware of when they first begin this adventure, but knowing them might ease your mind as you consider the risks.
I should preface this by saying my wife and I are not swingers, nor have we really discussed swinging except as a topic. The following information is gathered from research, testimonials, and a couple online articles on the subject.
They say variety is the spice of life, and this has been known to apply to all facets of our lives, including sexual experiences. We’re brought up to believe that we need to “sow our wild oats” before getting tied down to one person, but there’s no reason for this to be the case post-marriage. If you, your partner, or both of you, have expressed interest in new sexual experiences with other people, this can be the chance to satisfy those desires. This can be especially helpful to those couples where one has a higher libido, and the other a lower libido. There have been cases where the lifestyle has helped to satisfy the needs of the partner with higher libido but also helps those with lower libido to blossom into a more sexual person as well. New experiences with new partners open up new facets of attraction to their partner which translates to even greater desire for their committed partner.
No commitments required
A worry some people have is the idea that the lifestyle is something akin to an exclusive club. That there’s a “once you’re in, you’re in” type of vibe where swapping is mandatory. Even if your worry is not as extreme as this, you’re likely still worrying too much. For many couples and individuals just starting out, there’s no reason to jump into the lifestyle genitals-first. There’s no pressure for you to engage at all when you go for the first time. If you’re nervous, it’s completely acceptable that you not have intercourse at all on your first visit, or the second, or third if you’re not comfortable yet.
If you’re not sure, dip your toe in the water by just talking to people on your first visit. Get to know the people, make some friends, converse and have a drink before you even discuss any kind of sexual play. You’ll find that everyone who swings prefers to be comfortable with, and attracted to, the people they meet before engaging with them, and you should too. There’s also the added bonus of discretion. You may have worries about co-workers, family, and/or other associates learning about your new lifestyle. If it puts you at ease, so does everyone else who swings, so they’re more likely not to divulge the fact you were at a swinger’s club with them. What happens between swingers stays there.
When you do finally feel that you’re comfortable with another couple or group, you’ll find you don’t need to go straight to intercourse either. You can, instead, begin with what they call a ‘soft swap’, which includes many forms of intimacy, but not intercourse. Enjoy each other without the need for sex. Afterward, if everyone is happy with the arrangement and comfortable with one another, you can move up to a ‘hard swap’ which includes intercourse. It’s a lot like the hot/cold tap of your shower: you can adjust the knobs until you get a bit of everything that makes you the most comfortable to get in.
New experiences make happier marriages
This should go without saying, but if you want to make this work with your partner, the one thing you need, above all else, is strong uninhibited communication. There shouldn’t have to be any fear of secrets from either one of you. And why should you? What reason could there be to commit infidelity if you can have fulfilling sexual experiences with a consenting and participating partner?
“Now, when Jake comes home from the gym, he lets me know if someone checked him out. It always makes me smile to see him with a little extra spring in his step because he got checked out. But it also verifies to me that he is an attractive man and it makes me want him even more. Before swinging, he would not utter a word for fear of making me jealous.”
On the surface, it can appear that anyone who would suggest something like swinging might be a bit self-serving in their interests. And, in the beginning, maybe they are. But there’s more to be found when you meet a couple who synergizes with you and makes you feel comfortable around them. One colleague I interviewed spoke of how he learned various new positions and techniques from the other couples he met. He and his wife tried some of the same things, and while some positions didn’t work, others did.
When they swapped, he learned a lot about how other women’s libidos worked differently. Some desiring a little, others a lot. Some would prefer to fuck a bad day away, while others couldn’t get into the mood at all if their day was stressful. There’s a lot of opportunities to learn how to be a better lover, and that quite often translates into a happier sex life for you and your partner.
With any luck, some of the information here can help with your decision. If you’d like more information, there are many sites out there, such as SLS swing, that can help with meeting other people, answering questions you may have, and can even assist in arranging a group meeting at a local club or venue. If you’re still unsure if you or your partner are going into this for the right reasons, or even if it’s not with all the best reasons, I would still recommend you sit down with your partner and have a solid discussion on this. It’s always tantamount to ensure strong communication about your thoughts and feelings are always right there on the table. Good luck to you, and just maybe, happy swinging!