When I learned what it meant to be Primal

Two years ago, I first learned about Primal Play, wrote about it, and admitted that I may be Primal. I often write these blog posts as something to be used to aid others in their writing, or in learning about alternative sexual lifestyles. So it’s not often that I write something a bit more personal to me. While I may have made it sound like I just instantly converted, the path to becoming primal was really a complicated transition.

I didn’t know Primal Play even existed for most of my adult life, despite the fact that I was one. It was very difficult to really understand where I stood because I constantly felt like a pretender in the BDSM community. Am I a Top? No, I’m probably a Dom, or… wait, this term ‘True Dom’ might be more accurate. I don’t feel like I’m really a True Dom, though.

For those first few years of my adult life, being on my own, discovering myself, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what these names really meant, and how they act. I’ll be honest: I was uninformed, didn’t know where I was supposed to look, or how to act. For six years, I more or less wandered through adulthood with a loose label of Dom, and ultimately, thought myself as just vanilla.

It’s funny how things go when you’re not sure who you are. You know what you feel like and what you want, but not why. All it really takes is a name. Something that says ‘this is why’, and lets you know that you belong, and more importantly, that you’re not the only one. As I first discovered it, I looked at entry after entry for almost 4 hours realizing that everything that defined it was exactly what I looked for and matched my desires perfectly.

When I was certain that this was me, I went downstairs and had a talk with my wife about it. She was very supportive of this and was happy to see me come to this realization. She often says she feels the most turned on in those moments during sex when I growl at her and become a bit rougher in my thrusting movements. As she would say, I start to ‘get really manly’! Since then, we’ve been carefully experimenting with the different aspects of Primal Play. Chasing isn’t a big thing for us as 1. it snows 8 months out of the year and our apartment is kinda small, and 2. We’re both a bit too lazy for it. We have, however, begun focusing more on bedroom specific acts. Teeth and nails are becoming more and more involved, and we have even begun leaving marks on each other’s bodies.

It’s been a gradual process as neither of us wants to push the other too far too quickly. Like any kink, it takes time, patience, and a lot of care and love to understand how each person feels and wishes to express themselves. I’ve also started to become more comfortable expressing myself in a Primal way outside of the bedroom. Snuggling on the couch has become more entertaining. Whereas some may sit next to their mate and lean against them, I’ve taken up the habit of practically straddling my wife and laying my body on her’s like I’m a big blanket. She says I act like a big dog who wants attention.

Well, I mean… yeah.

Shortly after learning what Primal Play was, I wrote a post called “The Mystery of Primal Play” on this site, and it has become the most read post on my site. It astounds me how many people are also just as curious about it as I was, and have found me to be a reliable source of information when all I really did was take all the bits and pieces I found myself and put them into one place. The comments I’ve received from all of you have been so uplifting, and it honestly fills me with joy to know that my posts have given you clarity. Really, I’m just one guy who is learning about it the same as you. I’m not an expert, I’m just one person who wants the same things as you.

5 thoughts on “When I learned what it meant to be Primal

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  1. Tonight a friend of mine was the first person to finally speak the word “primal” to me. After a lifetime of painful confusion and feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere. Like I was a freakier freak and wasn’t safe to play with others.

    I was starting to refer to it as ‘The Vamp’ and had no idea whatsoever to do with it! Cut it’s nails off and wear a Hannibalesque mask so I could at least be within the BDSM community, lol. I tried, it just left me confused. Whips and chains just..very unsatisfying, where’s the fun in that?!

    Don’t they really just want to come and play a game with me? Follow me into the woods, it’s safe, I promise..with fingers crossed behind my back.

    Thank you for doing what you do. My friend just left and I’ve just started frantically researching. Thank you for being here.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Primal isn’t alternative.

    It’s the basic building block to mammal (including & especially HUMAN) sexuality.


    Enjoy your return to the jungle, mammals


  3. Everything…it clicked…now i know why. I first became curious as to what kind of bdsm i’m into because lately i’ve been into this weird cycles i’ve been terming as heat cycles instead 🤦🏻‍♀️. In life when i’m not sexual i had the habitual growling at my family when i’m upset albeit i do so quietly and hiss at the cats when they’re noisy and my fam doesn’t mind.

    When it came to sexual urges i just had this feeling of wanting to bite on to something and it felt so strongly. As i was typing this i felt this joy of finally understanding why i do these kinds of things in an almost scary yet familiar sort of yet. It’s already instinctive. I’m still new to this but i don’t mind being the one being chased or the chaser, I’m a so called switch…i think that was the proper term???

    There’s something in my gut that tells me “this is it. THIS IS IT!” So thank you so much…i felt like i now knew another part of myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad this was able to help you understand a bit more about yourself. It’s been an experience coming to terms with all of this myself, but I’m all the more happy to be who I am. So, I truly hope understanding this part of you brings you that same catharsis and joy. Of course, feel free to read my other posts on Primal Play as well.

      And welcome to the pack 😉


  4. I first learned about a year ago that I was a primal, and learned of primals alot earlier than that. I was actually told by the person who I learned about them from that I was one, and when I learned more about it, I more or less went “THAT MAKES SENSE.” Seems fox fits better, or as my friend calls is: “cat software running on dog hardware.” Makes even more sense because I found out foxes are one of the most affectionate animals on the planet to their mate and families, and thats exactly me in a nut shell. helps that my current partner, who started off as a close friend of mine is also a primal, makes things more fun.

    Liked by 1 person

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