If there’s one thing we can always depend on when it comes to the internet is: people like to use it for sex. And why not? It allows us to connect with people all over the world, and even with people who live fairly close to us, but we never knew existed. No longer do we have to make choices like whether you should stay with a significant other you don’t like because you have no better options. And now, we have the option of connecting with someone for casual sex without the preamble. With this comes the age of adult dating sites.
“Friends with benefits” is a name that conjures up mixed emotions in a lot of people. Many are reminded of the Mila Kunis/Justin Timberlake film of the same name. Others have thoughts about other times the mainstream media has portrayed it as unsuccessful, or the people involved become ‘involved’ anyway as a result. Conservative people tend to see relationships that don’t have an inherent emotional investment as something that is immoral and “bad news”. But then again, of course, they do.
Some time ago, I made a rather lengthy post delving into what the swinger lifestyle is like and the very happy couples who have chosen to take it up. I wanted to touch on it once more and explore some of the other aspects behind the lifestyle. If you haven’t read it yet, you should. I spoke of what swinging is and what it isn’t, its portrayal in media, and the fears behind them. Many of those aforementioned fears are mainly based around stigmas, and worries of infidelity or damaged relationships. And depending on the level of trust in one another, those fears may or may not be justified.
It’s been quite a long time since I last wrote on the topic of Primal Play. A couple of years ago, I wrote about my findings on what Primal Play is, and my discovery that I am also primal. It would be some time until I would write another post about what it means to be primal, and how primals interact with the rest of us. Since then, I find myself in a position where I feel I’ve learned a lot more about Primal Play through my personal experience as a primal, learning from other primals, as well as seeing a need for another post delving even further into what Primal Play entails. Several, actually.
The name may not allude to this, but the laundry list is a commonly-made mistake among most first-time writers, whether it be writers of erotica, smut, or other genres. It’s an understandably easy mistake to make, but it’s still enough to turn off any reader from the get-go. I mentioned this in an earlier post where I explained a few things to help take your writing to the next level, but I’d like to give this one a bit more emphasis.
Do you remember those ‘Choose your own adventure’ books from the 80’s with the elaborate cover art, written by Edward Packard? I remember first finding one in middle school, around 20 years ago now, and thinking how innovative I thought it was. My school’s library had dozens of them, and I think I read every single one of them.
I’ve been thinking over this for a while after a conversation I had with a friend some time ago. I had mentioned how hearing about the personal fantasies of others really helps with creating plots for erotica, at least for me. My friend then mentioned that they had a private list of fantasies and sexual acts they wanted to perform with their partner. I won’t go into details, but I remembered the name my friend used for that list: “The Fuck-et list”. There’s no arguing the clear reference to the Bucket List with Morgan Freeman, and how it relates to one’s sexuality.
I remember when reading Stephen King’s memoirs, there was some insight he gave, and I’m paraphrasing: “A bad writer can become a good writer. A good writer can become a great writer. But a bad writer cannot become a great writer.” In following this, I wrote 9 Tips to get you from Amateur to Less Amateurish which was an outline of writing advice collected from a variety of popular authors. Sometimes, I go back to that article to remind myself of what I’m doing wrong now, and what I should be doing. Now it’s time to move onwards and upwards. I’ve collected some more tips to explain where to go once the quality of your writing is no longer the problem. It’s not as many tips as last time, but still just as helpful.
In recent days, I’ve been seeing quite a few people on Facebook groups and Reddit pages discussing the viability of erotica as a source of substantial income. Since the craze ran during 2015-2016, everyone and their mother turned up to lay their stake into that particular oil well. For a while, things were going well. Demand was higher, and supply was much higher, and it had never been a better time to start as an erotica writer.
Everyone, from those who raise us at early boyhood, to the women we pursue, all play a part in our behaviors, and yes, our egos. Of course, we’re becoming much more aware of the cultural stigma of boys being taught to always ‘man up’ and not to show emotion, but it’s more than just our upbringing, it’s those around us during adulthood who play a role as well. If you think back, there has probably been several instances where you, or someone you know, has made some dramatic exclamation about the opposite sex. Whether it be a guy who rolls his eyes, muttering, “Women, huh?” or a lady groaning in frustration, shouting, “Ugh, MEN!!!” What this does is further build up the stigma of every person of the opposite sex only ever behaving in a particular fashion. “He can’t help it, he’s a guy” or, “What more can you expect from a man?” they all play a role in creating this image of what a man is supposed to be like.
I had recently read a blog post from another erotica author, like myself, who spoke about the differences between erotica and smut. Her explanation entailed there being very little, to no difference, between those genres at all. What you label your work is entirely up to your interpretation or preferences. After reading it, I found myself dissatisfied with her conclusion, and found it to be a little fluffy. Personally, I dislike when people try to blur the lines between distinct genres, and create this idea that what one person does is no different than what someone else does.